Alright, here’s the scenario: Twelve characters from several popular Young Adult novels (mostly the same ones I mentioned in my other post breaking down bestselling YA) are pitted against each other in a Hunger Games-like competition. Each series will be represented by two characters. Instead of the actual rules from The Hunger Games, let’s say the characters are just tossed into the arena with their usual gear and are told they have to fight each other; only one may survive.
Rather than write a fancy narrative, I’ll give a sports-analyst-like prediction.
*SPOILER WARNING* Minor spoilers may appear (so, I hope you’ve already read Mockingjay).
1. The Hunger Games: Katniss; Gale
2. Divergent: Tris; Four
3. Harry Potter: Professor Lupin; Cedric Diggory
4. Twilight: Bella; Edward
5. Legend: June; Day
6. The Outsiders: Ponyboy; Steve
1. Since the two wizards assume they are facing Muggles, they don’t whip out their wands right away. Sadly, Professor Lupin is taken out early by Edward Cullen who smells a “wet dog.”
2. Once Diggory realizes he’s facing a vampire, Robert Pattinson shoots Robert Pattinson with a spell which knocks Robert Pattinson off his feet.
3. June Iparis, counting every passing millisecond for some reason, immediately realizes the two Pattinsons are very dangerous and dispatch both with her gun.
4. With Edward out, Bella goes into stare-out-the-window mode and implodes.
5. Tris Prior keeps dropping her gun, so no one bothers attacking her just yet.
6. The parkour-terrorist Day climbs a building and makes fun of Four’s fear of heights; both Four and Gale Hawthorne shoot at Day because they think he needs a haircut; Day gets clipped and falls off the building.
7. While June tries to rescue Day, Gale blows up a bomb which takes out both June and Day. Gale and Four high five each other (and for some reason they yell, “Steve Holt!”).
8. Steve Randle brings a knife to a gunfight and, well, you can kind of predict what happens there. It’s okay, though, because he’s Tom Cruise.
9. Gale and Four run out of ammo and end up fighting hand-to-hand because that’s what the audience wants. Four judo chops Gale into submission.
10. Katniss Everdeen avenges Gale with Legolas-like accuracy.
11. Tris manages to keep her hands on her gun long enough for her and Katniss to take each other out.
12. Ponyboy Curtis is off in a corner reading poetry and wins.
Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.